I’ve been working on a book about being in a band for years. I start down one direction and then think I’d take a different tack and start over. I remember a different aspect and start all over again. I write it as if a movie with camera angles and positions of actors then rewrite as a stage presentation with a script.
The actual memories have become clouded and embellished through the years. Most of the characters are either lost or dead so checking references is difficult.
Going through my notes I found this gem.
A rock band (especially garage bands) are usually friends and schoolmates who can’t make the football team or have fancy cars so to attract the girls decided to make loud noises. Everyone wants to have the adulation of the Beatles, but no one wants to do the work.
Sooner or later, one of the members of the band decides he wants out. (Note: band members are ‘he’s. Bringing a female into a band is a sure way to break up).
Some get tired of the music, some get bored with constant rehearsals and few gigs, some want more money, some fall in love and some just don’t show up anymore.
Read on…
“Playing in a band is an exciting adventure at times. You can see the backs of a thousand shitty dives up and down the coast, learn more about the inner working of cargo vans than you ever thought possible and find out just how long you can go without a shower. You'll learn new meanings for the word “drama”; find out just how much money can be sunk into studio time and equipment you don't need.
There’s playing music sometimes, and that’s nice.
Being in a band is like having an intimate relationship with a whole group of people at the same time. There’s passion and heartbreak, fights and passive-aggressive notes being left, smiles and laughing and sometimes things just fall apart completely. Breaking up with someone you’re seeing is hard but breaking up with your band is harder, you have to split up with a whole bunch of people at the same time.
Bands fall apart for all kinds of reasons. These are just a few:
Clashing styles:
· You’re a tango accordion player in a metal hardcore band.
· The drummer is convinced that 7/3/16 is the only tempo for dance music.
· You wanted to play in a punk band and you find yourself covering the Lord Of The Rings score on modified Gameboys.
Pure boredom:
· It’s 2009 and the lead guitarist thinks that Oasis covers are still your best material.
· You’ve been practicing regularly for three years and you’ve almost finished your first song.
· The set list you wrote up in high school is still taped to your pedal board because it’s never been updated. You’re now 47 years old.
Personality Conflicts:
· You’re a conservative Christian in a satanic black metal band.
· No matter what you say about lyrics, you’re always wrong.
· You’ve been shot at, more than once, during arguments with the bass player.
Crazy Motherfuckers:
· Your drummer recently changed his name to “Sir Pants” and has taken to carving his initials on people in the band with flatware.
· Animal sacrifice has become a regular part of the practice routine in your pop act.
· There are three dogs that have been added as “Band Managers” to your lineup. You’ve never seen these dogs before.
Drug use:
· The needles littering the practice space are so thick you need armored boots to walk through it. So do the dogs.
· Your band mates are injecting Drano into their veins. Drug use is one thing, but come on people. That’s not even a drug.
· The rest of the band has freebased every piece of equipment you own.
As you can see, it’s time to quit the band.
There are good and bad ways to quit a band.
You can force the issue and get kicked out! It’s a bad way to get out of the situation but if you never want to speak to these people ever again it can be very effective. Now I don’t recommend it, but punching everyone in the face will generally see you out the door of the practice space with a minimum of discussion. Other ways to get booted include stabbing a band member in the head, pawning all the gear, deleting the bands Myspace page, getting drunk and burning down the practice space or having sex with every single member’s beau in a giant orgy.
Less extreme ways of quitting, but still bad include quitting by Myspace, Facebook, text message, phone or e-mail. Honestly, it’s a dick move and it will leave a lot of bad feelings behind. It’s far better to be face to face and be honest with the other folks in the group. I recommend inviting everyone to a dinner, a bar or your house to discuss the issues. Be calm and honest, tell everyone exactly why you need to go and please, don’t cry. If you’re unsure of your reasons or you’re not completely convinced that you need to leave then you need to rethink why you’re here in the first place. Don't use leaving the band as an attention getting mechanism or as the only way you can talk about tough issues that arise.
Yelling at your band mates won’t help the situation at all. Give them your reasons for leaving and be very clear about what led you to this decision. If there is commonly owned equipment or financial issues to be resolved, leave that for a later time. It’s a tough situation and it requires dealing with some very angry emotions but if you ever want to patch it up later or interact with these musicians on a social level on it’s best not to leave them standing in a pile of shitty feelings and broken equipment.
Thanks
for listening!
Eriq Nelson”
Most garage bands last for a summer. Some bands get some management and might play dark cloudy bars for gas money and a few free beers. Some bands get local recording contracts but can’t get any radio play.
If a member of the band decides to leave, replacements can be found, until they leave. If the star of the band leaves, say the singer joins another band or worst-case scenario dies, the band breaks up.
Like athletes who hang jerseys on the wall or insurance hawkers who have plaques announcing ‘Best in Sales 1978’; old bald garage band members will stack their guitars in the corner up next to the broken amps and tell tales about the times of being in the ‘Sonics’. Or was it ‘The Essentials’?
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