Breaking Up The Band

 

I’ve been working on a book about being in a band for years. I start down one direction and then think I’d take a different tack and start over. I remember a different aspect and start all over again. I write it as if a movie with camera angles and positions of actors then rewrite as a stage presentation with a script.

The actual memories have become clouded and embellished through the years. Most of the characters are either lost or dead so checking references is difficult.

Going through my notes I found this gem.

A rock band (especially garage bands) are usually friends and schoolmates who can’t make the football team or have fancy cars so to attract the girls decided to make loud noises. Everyone wants to have the adulation of the Beatles, but no one wants to do the work.

Sooner or later, one of the members of the band decides he wants out. (Note: band members are ‘he’s. Bringing a female into a band is a sure way to break up).

Some get tired of the music, some get bored with constant rehearsals and few gigs, some want more money, some fall in love and some just don’t show up anymore.

Read on…

 

“Playing in a band is an exciting adventure at times. You can see the backs of a thousand shitty dives up and down the coast, learn more about the inner working of cargo vans than you ever thought possible and find out just how long you can go without a shower. You'll learn new meanings for the word “drama”; find out just how much money can be sunk into studio time and equipment you don't need.

There’s playing music sometimes, and that’s nice.

Being in a band is like having an intimate relationship with a whole group of people at the same time. There’s passion and heartbreak, fights and passive-aggressive notes being left, smiles and laughing and sometimes things just fall apart completely. Breaking up with someone you’re seeing is hard but breaking up with your band is harder, you have to split up with a whole bunch of people at the same time.

Bands fall apart for all kinds of reasons. These are just a few:

Clashing styles:

·       You’re a tango accordion player in a metal hardcore band.

·       The drummer is convinced that 7/3/16 is the only tempo for dance music.

·       You wanted to play in a punk band and you find yourself covering the Lord Of The Rings score on modified Gameboys.

Pure boredom:

·       It’s 2009 and the lead guitarist thinks that Oasis covers are still your best material.

·       You’ve been practicing regularly for three years and you’ve almost finished your first song.

·       The set list you wrote up in high school is still taped to your pedal board because it’s never been updated. You’re now 47 years old.

Personality Conflicts:

·       You’re a conservative Christian in a satanic black metal band.

·       No matter what you say about lyrics, you’re always wrong.

·       You’ve been shot at, more than once, during arguments with the bass player.

Crazy Motherfuckers:

·       Your drummer recently changed his name to “Sir Pants” and has taken to carving his initials on people in the band with flatware.

·       Animal sacrifice has become a regular part of the practice routine in your pop act.

·       There are three dogs that have been added as “Band Managers” to your lineup. You’ve never seen these dogs before.

Drug use:

·       The needles littering the practice space are so thick you need armored boots to walk through it. So do the dogs.

·       Your band mates are injecting Drano into their veins. Drug use is one thing, but come on people. That’s not even a drug.

·       The rest of the band has freebased every piece of equipment you own.

As you can see, it’s time to quit the band.

There are good and bad ways to quit a band.

You can force the issue and get kicked out! It’s a bad way to get out of the situation but if you never want to speak to these people ever again it can be very effective. Now I don’t recommend it, but punching everyone in the face will generally see you out the door of the practice space with a minimum of discussion. Other ways to get booted include stabbing a band member in the head, pawning all the gear, deleting the bands Myspace page, getting drunk and burning down the practice space or having sex with every single member’s beau in a giant orgy.

Less extreme ways of quitting, but still bad include quitting by Myspace, Facebook, text message, phone or e-mail. Honestly, it’s a dick move and it will leave a lot of bad feelings behind. It’s far better to be face to face and be honest with the other folks in the group. I recommend inviting everyone to a dinner, a bar or your house to discuss the issues. Be calm and honest, tell everyone exactly why you need to go and please, don’t cry. If you’re unsure of your reasons or you’re not completely convinced that you need to leave then you need to rethink why you’re here in the first place. Don't use leaving the band as an attention getting mechanism or as the only way you can talk about tough issues that arise.

Yelling at your band mates won’t help the situation at all. Give them your reasons for leaving and be very clear about what led you to this decision. If there is commonly owned equipment or financial issues to be resolved, leave that for a later time. It’s a tough situation and it requires dealing with some very angry emotions but if you ever want to patch it up later or interact with these musicians on a social level on it’s best not to leave them standing in a pile of shitty feelings and broken equipment.

Thanks for listening!
Eriq Nelson”

 

Most garage bands last for a summer. Some bands get some management and might play dark cloudy bars for gas money and a few free beers. Some bands get local recording contracts but can’t get any radio play.

If a member of the band decides to leave, replacements can be found, until they leave. If the star of the band leaves, say the singer joins another band or worst-case scenario dies, the band breaks up.

Like athletes who hang jerseys on the wall or insurance hawkers who have plaques announcing ‘Best in Sales 1978’; old bald garage band members will stack their guitars in the corner up next to the broken amps and tell tales about the times of being in the ‘Sonics’. Or was it ‘The Essentials’? 

Home for the Holidays

The refrigerator is stuffed with Thanksgiving leftovers since no one came over. Cyber Monday will be here soon so heat up your credit cards. The tree and lights and ornaments need to be put up out of tradition but now it is just a chore. Streaming the same old Christmas carols just seems like Groundhog Day all over again.

You are Home for the Holidays.

With all the same folks you have been quarantined for months and no end in sight this is the end of the year. The time for good cheer with the same people you’ve been stranded with.

There is a month before the five presents under the tree are unwrapped, so what do you do?

You’ve put together all the puzzles. You’ve read every book. You’ve streamed every movie. Your kids are either taking college classes or rudimentary reading. All your favorite snacks taste like cardboard. If you had to go outside you couldn’t wear anything with a belt. The furniture is covered in blankets and animal hair. The sink is full of dirty dishes. You’ve forgotten where the deodorant is.

A Zoom session with family just wasn’t the same as dressing up, filling the car with people and dishes, remembering to lock the back door and turn off the stove, weaving in and out of traffic of other families avoiding scientific directions to stay home, spilling gravy on your new jacket, sweating in the kitchen, all talking and laughing at the same time when not filling your mouth with all manner of food your doctor recommends you not eat, retiring to the television to watch a virtual parade or a football game with empty stands before the tryptophan knocks you out. There is a reason why you only see these people once a year.

This year might be a good time to start a new holiday tradition.

Instead of feasting with the Indigenous people one could take the family to the local soup kitchen and work a food line spooning out powdered mashed potatoes and runny gravy to people who have no other place to eat. If adventurous go to an encampment of homeless to expose your children (and yourself) how the other half live.

Closer to home you could start raking the leaves in your yard, then offer to help a neighbor to help with their chores. A little stretching and bending over is called exercise.

When the weather gets bad, throw a tarp on the floor, hand everyone a paintbrush and refurbish a room. If you decide to be creative let the kids draw decorations on the walls. It may give a bit of personal spice to the room. It can be painted over later (or not).

Gather the family around the dining room table and pull out some old family pictures. Make a picture album while teaching your kids their ancestry.

If anyone has a musical flair, move the furniture back and create a stage. Play some instruments of Christmas carols or old songs that were important in the past. These moments can be a good teaching experience full of laughter and dancing. Don’t worry about filming it for an upload on social media. This is a moment your kids can tell their kids without a video documentary.

After spending months of complaining and wishing it would become normal again, it is time to realize what this time is giving us.

You are spending time with the person you vowed to spend the rest of you life with. You are spending time with the people you created. You are in the place you selected to live with all the collections you’ve gathered.

This shape shifting is presenting you with an opportunity only fantasized before.

Put down the remote, turn off the phone, shutdown the screens and revel in the new reality.

No one knows how long this adventure into the unknown will last; so make the best of it. Create memories that will be worth telling stories about. Great books are written about times like these. The museums are full of artistic documentations of event interpretations.

This is a moment in history to be remembered. Don’t waste your time.

Make a list

 

Were you creative today? Did you look at a blank canvas or piece of paper? Did you sit down at the piano? Did you hold a camera?

Here is an idea to spur your creativity.

Make a list.

Just write down words (or phrases).

Words that you hear that you connect with. Words that is unfamiliar. Words in a song on a radio or read in a book. Words you have to research. Words that redefine previous thoughts or understanding.

At the end of the day, read all the words.

Does a word or a group of words inspire a thought?

A title for a story or a book? A vision of a painting or idea for a piece of art? Does a tune come to mind or a poem or an idea for a movie? Can you dance to a word that creates a dream in your mind?

Creative inspiration comes from many places.

Give it a try.

What do you do with the singer?

 

Everyone remembers the singer in the band. The singer was the director of the music. The singer added words to the music (or otherwise it would be an instrumental). The singer was in the spotlight while the band plays behind.

The crooners of the last century were the headliner on the billboard and the draw of the show. Most would just sit still and belt out a song. Between songs they would work the crowd with banter and jokes before breaking into the next song.

In the 50’s there were groups of singers with one lead. They had some dance moves but there was a star and the back-up singers. They were booked as “star singer” and the whatever names they came up with.

The folk music craze started with Hootenannies of group singing, like casual choirs playing guitars. Now and then a single singer, supported by a guitar and a standup bass would pick up the baton left by the crooners.

Then Elvis arrived. Though he wore a guitar his charisma was the magic. A long group of white boys with good hair followed but none captured the audience’s appreciation.

The 60’s brought boy bands from England with sharp suits, electric guitars, long hair and 3-part harmonies. A few had a front man who was the singer.

A singer could keep the audience attention while the boys in the band tuned their guitars, got a drink, figured out the next song, took a leak…

The singer was in the spotlight until there was an instrumental.

Then what do you do with the singer?

Some got some fancy dance moves. Some had fancy clothing that shimmered up the lights as they waved their arms. Some would wander the stage appearing to be lost or cheerlead the front row. Some would just stand behind the microphone stand.

When the drummer took a solo the rest of the band walked off the stage. At the end of the solo the rest of the band came back and the drummer continued to play. When an acoustic song started, the drummer would still sit behind the kit.

Some singers try to put on a guitar or sit at a piano but then they are distracted and forget the words. Some singers jump into the mosh pit and surf the crowd hopefully getting back to the stage in time for the next verse. Some singers will run offstage and change outfits trying not to have an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction.

So the next time you see a live performance (if that ever happens) pay attention to the singer. They are strippers.

Want to be creative in a pandemic?

Painters and dancers and musical performers are all in a funk over this pandemic. There is plenty of time but every theatre; club, museum or other platform to show creative works is closed.

Most creative’s would normally appreciate this free time but this time is not inspiring. This time is covered in a cloud of anticipation and fear.

Everyone is writing dark novels about apocalypse. Mix in some religion and it would be a best seller.

Filmmakers are making scary movies on Zoom and handheld phones with unknown actors to upload to their websites.

Painters can make landscapes or skylines but there will be no people and people like faces to relate to. Photographers will have the same problem; a pallet without a cast.

Dancers can dance in the kitchen but if you dance outside you maybe hauled away or if you decide to perform at the grocery store stay two carts apart. Clean up on aisle 8.

Now songwriters can have a field day. With a single guitar or a piano and a piece of paper and pencil, the next Billboard hit could be knocked out. If you have a computer you can record multiple tracks and upload to an array of sites to get noticed or have your song stolen.

If you want to write a pop song, make it about a relationship. All the hit pop songs are written about a relationship forming or enjoyed or breaking up. To prove my point, look at the Beatle’s catalogue.

Write that dark end-of-the-world song for heavy metal or trash talk rap but they will not be chosen for your wedding tunes. Try a slow dance to Motley Crew.

Hope you get inspired in these dire times.

Oh, and turn off the television.

Innovation

What if television hadn’t been invented?

Now you have to stay home with your family and find something to do to fill the time.

This is like when a rainstorm hits that cabin on the beach and the power goes out.

There is no timeline for when the power will come back on and you can focus on the blue tube instead of being creative with your time.

Phone service will only last as long as the battery then you are stuck looking at each other.

Cards, board games, puzzles just pass the time until the electricity comes back on.

Now is the time to be innovative.

Build a kite out of whatever supplies you have. When it flies everyone will feel the accomplishment.

Cook whatever supplies you have on a burner and everyone chip in the ingredients. It will be the best meal of your life.

Without a camera take a picture of a memorable scene and sketch it in the sand. The waves will wash it away but you will always remember.

Make up a song or a poem or create a story of the moment. Present a play where everyone is an actor or a dancer or a musician.

When the power does come back, you’ll forget about television and digital electronic devices for a while.

Then it will end in a memory.

No Excuses Now!

The world is on ‘pause’. Meetings are cancelled. Appointments are done online. Travel is suspended. Bars and restaurants and movie theaters are closed.

What are you waiting for?

If you are an artist or writer or dancer or anyone with a creative tinge, this is your time.

This virus pandemic has slowed the hurry race down to a string of holidays at home.

No Distractions!

Pick up your brush or pencil or pen or instrument and create. You have the time you’ve always been complaining about not having.

If you are a dancer you can create new moves in front of a mirror to a boom box soundtrack. If you are a symphony musician practice your parts or create your own. If you are a writer, now is the time to write the next great American novel. Photographers, if you are sequestered, open the windows and check out the light and shadows. If you are a renowned chef, make a dish from whatever ingredients you have on hand that will bring the hungry in when the restaurants are open again.

Creativity is time and inspiration.

Now you have the time.

Perception is Reality

Remember who you audience is.

Sounds simple but if you (as an artist) want to make enough scratch from sales to buy a delivery pizza and a six-pack, know whom you are selling to.

If you are an artisan with a tented booth at the rural volunteer firefighters and library craft fair bazaar and book sale, don’t expect the local newspaper art critic who has been educated with ‘Art for Dummies’ to give your talent front page review that will increase sales.

If you want to make some dough, create for your audience.

You can fake it and trick most people all of the time, but only a few will buy it.

If you want to present interpretive innovative dancing check your booking. Don’t plan to play soft folk songs at an arena fronting heavy metal. Don’t set your amp stacks up at a senior center birthday party.

If you are presenting your artwork at outdoor crafts fair or a school auditorium, make small landscapes, trinket jewelry, cute animals and items that can take a few sickles.

If presenting in a well-defined artistic venue like a gallery, be prepared for a different audience asking informed questions with different persuasion techniques to make a sale. Also be prepared for smart phone payment technology.

Remember perception is reality.

If the viewer or audience or reader or listener believes what they are seeing or listening to is art…. Then this IS ART.

Create your dreams for yourself, but to make a living selling your creations know your market.

Know the latest trends and adapt.

Everyone recognizes Leonardo Da Vinci as a renowned artist written about in all artsy-fartsy volumes and placed on the museum exhibits, but he had a sponsor.

Make your brand, promote your product, present to your audience and know that what is your perception is not always reality.

Fantasy

We seem like to enjoy getting lost in fantasy. Look at the books and games and movies (and politics) we lose our reality into worlds of make-believe.

Children create fantasy worlds and adults wonder where they get the ideas. Now those fantasy worlds invade out laundry, banking, education, transportation, manufacturing, entertainment, faith and yes, politics.

To follow or becoming fanatical engrossed with ‘Harry Potter’ or ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Twilight’ or ‘Friends’ can go from enjoyment to emotional fascination (addiction?) to create Comic Cons and theme parks. Beyond Halloween, social media has promoted these fantasy characters to become part of our family.

Quotes and images appear in our language for others to relate too. This is similar to quoting passages from the Bible.

Fantasy can spark the imagination to come up with space ships, cell phones, giant flat screen television, microwaves and clogs or crocs. Fantasy can be innovative.

There are no zombies. There are no giants or vampires or things that go bump in the night. There are no space aliens (yet) except us. There are no people who can fly or shoot rays out of their eyes. There are no rom-coms where they live happily ever after.

When you close the book or put down the remote, that stack of bills is still sitting there. Your daughter’s unwanted pregnancy has not gone away. Your front tire is still going flat and hole in your roof is leaking on a day like today. You son is still flunking out of school and your mother is still drinking. You’re dog just barfed on the floor and your toilet is clogged.

You will never be invited to beam up with Captain Kirk or have a cup of java with Rachael and Ross. You can have dreams or delusions, but you have to wake up.

Paint Us A Picture

If you are aware and thus have an artistic eye, how do you relate what you see to another?

If you are a performer you dance or sing or play an instrument. If you are a crafter you make clay or stone or wood presentations. If you are a artist you draw or paint visual presentations.

There has already been a discussion on how do you describe your art to another, but how would you describe it to a blind person?

How would you describe the Mono Lisa to a person who could not see it?

There is this woman with long hair looking at you with a hint of a smile.

Do you describe colors no one has seen? Do you indicate the position of the figure in the space of the frame? Do you delve into the history of the time period and the artist to try and indicate why this painting is renowned?

Can you relate to someone who cannot view the painting what the artist was trying to present?

What if the person was from Côte d'Ivoire and didn’t know anything about Italian Renaissance? Suppose the person is from Xinjiang and knows nothing of Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci?

Try to describe the Sistine Chapel without getting religious. Describe the pyramids compared to Notre-Dame de Paris flying buttress. How can you relate Peter Rabbit to Harry Potter or Superman to Alice in Wonderland?

Tell a good story and remember to listen to the questions. You are the interpreter.

What is the color red?